Not Your Fault
by AlexisRose84
Summary: Summary: Season 5 missing scene. Once John reveals the truth about the train ticket to Anna, he thinks everything is over. But it's not. Anna confesses something she's been hiding for way too long. Will John be able to ease her burdens? One shot


_**Summary: Season 5 missing scene. Once John reveals the truth about the train ticket to Anna, he thinks everything is over. But it's not. Anna confesses something she's been hiding for way too long. Will John be able to ease her burdens? One shot. **_

_This has been written in short segments (between the long list of things I should be doing today) on my phone. This is something I've been wanting to write and I guess I needed to get it written out today. Hope you enjoy. Thank you in advance! _

**Not Your Fault**

Ever since he had turned off the lights, she had been silent.

After his confession about the train ticket and not getting on the train, things had finally grown light again. Anna had smiled and been so elated to know for certain that he had nothing to do with Green's death. That curtain of uncertainty was finally gone and the two no longer had any secrets and fears between them. At least, that's what he had thought. But now she was silent.

In the darkness, he turned toward her curling his arms around her to spoon her frame. Usually, she would push back into his arms and sigh contently. Not today.

Now she remained almost completely still. He sat up slightly and in the light of the moon, he could see as a tear slid down her cheek.

"Anna?" At his words, he watched as she closed her eyes and pretended she didn't hear him.

"Anna," he said strongly. "I know you're not asleep."

She shifted slightly in his arms, but still remained quiet. He debated on whether or not he should push her anymore. The talk this evening probably brought memories back. She had made so much progress and he hated for her to regress.

Slowly, she turned and faced him. John ran his hand up the length of her arm and then rested it on her cheek. He could barely make out the trembling of her lower lip. His finger caressed the edge of her mouth, as she took in a shuddering breath.

"I...I'm sorry," she said so quietly that John almost didn't hear her.

John sat up more, while his eyebrows furrowed. He tucked a strand of hair behind Anna's ear and twisted his lips.

"Why are you apologizing?"

She didn't answer. More tears seeped from her eyes, making a puddle of water begin to form on the edge of her pillow.

John swung his legs over the edge of the bed and stood up. Grabbing a match, he lit the lamp next to the bed. When he turned to face Anna, he saw she had turned away from him.

Stepping to her side of the bed, he sat next to her and rubbed his hand up and down her arm.

"Darling? Did everything come back? Are you having a flashback?" He soothed. Anna's head shook.

Suddenly, she sat up and wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her head into the nook of his neck. His arms came up to embrace her back and he held her tightly against him.

"I...I'm sorry, please forgive me." Her words were muffled against his skin.

"Forgive you for what, my darling?"

"You knew all this time. You...you must hate me." At those words, John pulled back forcing Anna to look at him.

"I will never hate you, Anna. Now what is this all about?" His words were much harsher than he intended, but Anna didn't flinch. Instead, she turned her head to the window and took in a deep breath.

"You didn't like him. You...you told me you didn't like him. It...it was my fault. I...I was nice to him. I...I didn't listen."

It took a moment for John to realize exactly what she was talking about, because her words were so fast and muffled between sobs. When he did, his face softened. Bringing his hands up to her face, he cupped his hands on her cheeks lovingly and caressed them with his thumb.

"No, Anna, no. It was not your fault," he stated strongly. "Green," the word felt tight in his mouth and his jaw tightened, "He took advantage of your kindness."

"But...but I didn't listen. I…."

"Anna, I have never, not once, blamed you for what happened, because this was not your fault."

"But…" she stammered. John sighed. He had no idea that Anna had been harboring this blame within her.

"Shh, now, Anna, you are blameless. If anything, I should be apologizing to you," he murmured. Anna's eyes reached up to his and her lips parted slightly.

"Why?" She asked, her eyes wide in disbelief.

"You have been holding this burden of your attacker to protect me. You knew I would want to murder and you were right," John paused, his hands slipped from her face and he stood. Placing his arm over the window, he perched against the frame and looked out the window. His fingers ran through his hair and he let out a loud breath. "I wanted to murder him. My vengeance became your burden and I'm sorry," he turned to face her. There were fresh tears streaming down her face. "You should have been able to tell me the truth without any fears."

Anna swallowed the knot in her throat. Her head shook, "But if I had listened…" John sighed. He turned to face her and took her hands into his own, guiding her up to him. Slowly, his hands came up to rest upon her shoulders.

"You, my darling, are without fault. Being kind to someone does not make it okay for him to do what he did. Yes, I was jealous. You married a jealous fool," he said with a slight chuckle, hoping to alleviate some of the heaviness that surrounded them. "But even if you had led him on a little bit, it wouldn't have given him the right to force himself on you. I know your spirit and your soul Anna May Bates. You are the kindest, most wonderful woman alive. You did _nothing_ to make this happen."

Anna's body shuddered against John's hands and he quickly rubbed his hands up and down to warm her up some. She took in a deep breath and rested her head against his sturdy chest.

"Will you forgive me, Anna, for being a hotheaded fool? My life with you is the most important thing to me. I promise you never have to fear that I will destroy that again."

Anna's head lifted slightly to meet his eyes. She slowly nodded and then perched up on her toes to press a chaste kiss against his lips.

"I love you, Mr. Bates," she murmured, before resting her head back against his chest. John began rubbing circles on her back and sighed contently.

"I love you, too," he told her.

He hoped, now, the two could move forward. That their fears could now be put at ease and that no more secrets would weasel their way between them ever again. He guided Anna back into bed and held her close, thankful that they belonged to each other.

_The End _


End file.
